How to Reach Out to an Ex After Time Apart
Enough time has passed and you want to reach out. Whether you want closure, friendship, or another chance, here is how to break the silence respectfully.
Respectful Reconnection
RecommendedHey [Name], I know it has been a while and I hope this is not weird. I have been doing a lot of reflecting, and I just wanted to reach out. I hope you are doing well. [If seeking reconnection: I have been thinking about us and wondered if you would be open to catching up over coffee sometime. No expectations -- just would be nice to see you.] [If seeking closure: There were things I never said, and I think getting some closure would be good for both of us.]
Alternative Versions
More Direct Version
directHey [Name]. It has been a while. I have been thinking about you and wanted to reach out. How have you been?
Warmer Version
warmHey [Name], okay so I have typed and deleted this message about ten times. I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you. Time has given me a lot of perspective, and I miss having you in my life. I do not have an agenda -- I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing.
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When to Use This
Send this when: - Enough time has passed for both of you to heal - You have done genuine self-reflection - You are reaching out for the right reasons - You can handle any response, including no response
What Not to Say
Avoid: - Reaching out while drunk or emotional - Sending this during their new relationship - Love-bombing or being overly nostalgic - Expecting them to respond - Reaching out if there was abuse in the relationship